tough day

It would probably be easy to read my posts and think, 'Isn't he doing well?' so I feel I need to be honest. If I only write when I feel strong or when I look like I'm in control then there's no point. I'd be doing a disservice to the people who read this in grief and to those who truly want to understand how it can feel to lose someone you love.Today's been tough. My son has pined for his mummy all day. I've felt a shadow loom over me from poisonous words spread without apology by people I invited into my home. But hardest of all I just desperately miss my wife. And that same feeling seems to be hitting everyone else at the same time.Maybe it's the shittest day of the year or something. Ages since Christmas. No one's been paid. Everyone is ashamed that they haven't stuck to their resolutions. But I haven't spoken to anyone today who hasn't seemed more hurt than usual by our loss.My son's speech improves every day and with such clarity of voice must come clarity of mind. So I'm focusing on being clearer than ever with my answers to his questions. And I fully expect it to get harder before it gets easier.