LIFE AS A WIDOWER

A story of grief by a man and a boy

only human

Jackson’s first school year flew by despite it being so hard at the start. Waving him off on his first day felt like another small bereavement – or at the … Continue reading

July 28, 2016 · 3 Comments

children’s grief

As human beings, we’re not really programmed to think clearly about death – especially not our own. Our brains can’t really deal with it. At almost the same moment our … Continue reading

November 19, 2015 · 3 Comments

tell them

The eighty-five-year-old driver who killed my wife, Desreen, was jailed today for eighteen months for causing her death by dangerous driving. He was also banned from driving for life. I … Continue reading

December 22, 2014 · 429 Comments

painful motivation

I ran the London Marathon yesterday. Years ago, a friend asked if I’d ever fancied doing it before and I said no. That was partly because I thought I’d end up losing too … Continue reading

April 14, 2014 · 11 Comments

my mummy

If you would like to sponsor any other amount please just change the £2 to whatever you like or visit http://www.justgiving.com/lifeasawidower to do it online. Thanks so much.

April 10, 2014 · 4 Comments

beyond pain

I don’t think I had ever cried over the death of a person I didn’t know until last night. As I was leaving work I heard the news that Peaches Geldof … Continue reading

April 8, 2014 · 42 Comments

expiry dates

Something hasn’t been right with me this week. I’ve felt a heavy sense of foreboding envelop me out of nowhere, and it has taken me ages to figure out why. After … Continue reading

April 6, 2014 · 98 Comments

lonely business

I’m growing accustomed to – if entirely frustrated with – the crashing lows I suffer as a result of experiencing more upbeat times. Sometimes I’m actually tempted not to bother … Continue reading

February 27, 2014 · 9 Comments

nervous breakdown

Around this time last year I went on holiday with my best friends and Jackson. It didn’t go too well. I’m not sure why I thought that a week in the … Continue reading

February 22, 2014 · 6 Comments

special friendship

I took my little boy out for a walk this afternoon and ended up in the local library in an attempt to warm up after discovering that it was freezing … Continue reading

January 25, 2014 · 5 Comments

first thoughts

As much as I try to understand what is going on inside my son’s little head, I’ve come to realise that it’s impossible to really know what a toddler is … Continue reading

January 1, 2014 · 3 Comments

conflicted year

This time last year my wife had been dead for just seven weeks. Although a number of friends had invited me to spend New Year’s Eve with them, I decided … Continue reading

December 31, 2013 · 5 Comments

nativity play

One of the things I really struggle with as a widowed dad raising a toddler alone is that I find myself constantly questioning what my son’s behaviour would be like … Continue reading

December 19, 2013 · 7 Comments

mindful happiness

Since starting this blog almost a year ago, I’ve been pretty outspoken about my distaste for many of the clichés and platitudes so often offered as comfort to the bereaved. And … Continue reading

December 16, 2013 · 11 Comments

happy christmas

Having lost my wife late last year it probably goes without saying that 2013 has been an unhappy year for me, save the joy our little boy has continuously brought. But … Continue reading

December 12, 2013 · 7 Comments

christmas angel

This week I decided to give Christmas a go. This time last year my wife had only been buried a week, and yet somehow I felt more determined to try … Continue reading

December 8, 2013 · 18 Comments

truly privileged

I took on a train journey with my son yesterday. It sounds like a simple, everyday kind of thing to do and it was once. But some things that used … Continue reading

November 14, 2013 · 7 Comments

first anniversary

This is a guest post by Sarah Pointer Tomorrow is the first anniversary of my wife’s death but this time last year life was still perfect. Desreen and I rushed … Continue reading

November 8, 2013 · 17 Comments

things break

This is a guest post by Willis Goodmoore Willis Goodmoore, 51, is a widowed father from the United States. His husband Sheldon passed away two years ago in November 2011. They … Continue reading

November 5, 2013 · 4 Comments

remembering daddy

This is a guest post by Tanya Leary  Tanya is mum to two daughters aged ten months and two years and is the writer behind Mumaleary’s Blog. Here she shares her … Continue reading

November 3, 2013 · 16 Comments

postfatal depression

After recently spending an enlightening weekend at a residential camp led by the child bereavement charity Grief Encounter, which was primarily devoted to children who had lost a parent, I began to … Continue reading

October 11, 2013 · 21 Comments

empty reassurance

My son’s behaviour has taken a nosedive. He’s angry. He’s suddenly become all-too-frequently furious and ferocious. Not having the right lid for a pan or the exact piece of Lego … Continue reading

September 25, 2013 · 27 Comments

what if

What if we’d never left home that day, What if we’d travelled a different way. What if we’d gone by taxi not train, What if we’d only had starter not … Continue reading

July 22, 2013 · 26 Comments

the truth

It would be so easy for me just to share stories of the progress my son and I are making and to set out to inspire. But that is not … Continue reading

July 20, 2013 · 7 Comments

park life

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about how sad I felt seeing my son so happy in the park. About how his first joyous experience of a bouncy … Continue reading

July 5, 2013 · 4 Comments

breathtaking boy

I always hate the idea of train travel with my son. It’s the not knowing how he’s going to behave that bothers me. I pray he’ll sleep for the whole … Continue reading

June 25, 2013 · 15 Comments

like this

I’ve been gradually falling into a low mood for several weeks. The word depressed in its clinical sense is wrong, because I am not ill. But in its way of … Continue reading

June 19, 2013 · 33 Comments

father’s day

It’s Father’s Day in the UK today. For those of us who are lucky enough to actually have a father, it’s probably a time to send a card, pick up … Continue reading

June 16, 2013 · 10 Comments

living loss

This is a guest post by Becky Cricther about grief before death Becky is 35-years-old and mummy to Chloe, aged four, who she lives with in Birmingham. A devoted daughter … Continue reading

June 13, 2013 · 15 Comments

toddler grief

In January this year I wrote a feature for The Guardian about my experience of telling my son his mummy was dead. I guess at the time I hoped his pain would … Continue reading

June 11, 2013 · 16 Comments

inverted commas

Five months ago this week I set up this blog with just one intention. I wanted to help other young widowers find someone who could relate to the hell they … Continue reading

June 5, 2013 · 21 Comments

butterfly sanctuary

This is a guest post written by Emilie Adams Emilie, 44, is from France and lives in London with her family. She was happily married to Rob until 24th March … Continue reading

May 31, 2013 · 33 Comments

school years

My wife always measured people’s age in school years. I was “the year above” her even in my thirties despite the fact that we were born just eight weeks apart. … Continue reading

May 30, 2013 · 2 Comments

tank engines

This is a guest post by writer, journalist and blogger, Emma Beddington …but first an introduction from me I don’t usually interfere with guest posts by weaving in my own … Continue reading

April 12, 2013 · Leave a comment

the apprentice

New feelings have taken hold of me this weekend. Untold pain from running up steep hills in the biting cold at a 10K race in Greenwich Park on Saturday morning. … Continue reading

April 7, 2013 · 6 Comments

parental guidance

This is a second guest post by my two-year-old son, Jackson Bo Brooks-Dutton In Jackson’s second post, he shares with us what he really (maybe) means when he throws himself … Continue reading

March 7, 2013 · 10 Comments

new words

Many widows and widowers speak of the uncomfortable ‘widowy’ moments they’ve experienced since losing their spouse. Like when they realised a friend had crossed the road to avoid them just … Continue reading

February 15, 2013 · 18 Comments

my son

This is a very special guest post by my two-year-old son, Jackson Bo Brooks-Dutton Toddler, train enthusiast and part time nursery attendee, Jackson Bo Brooks-Dutton, shares his thoughts on his … Continue reading

February 12, 2013 · 30 Comments

sick child

Never has a common cold felt more intense and I don’t even have one. Late last week my little boy woke up and radiated temperatures between 38 and 40°C throughout … Continue reading

February 5, 2013 · 35 Comments

guest posts

Monday 3rd February will mark four weeks since lifeasawidower.com launched. In that short space of time the blog has already seen a quarter of a million views, connected many widowers … Continue reading

February 1, 2013 · 10 Comments

feeling proud

I am immensely proud of my wife, perhaps more so now than ever before. When I wrote her eulogy, Being Desreen, I asked people to help me and Jackson in … Continue reading

January 10, 2013 · 2 Comments