Life as a Widower

A young widowed father opening up about living with loss

guest posts

Monday 3rd February will mark four weeks since lifeasawidower.com launched. In that short space of time the blog has already seen a quarter of a million views, connected many widowers who felt lost or alone, challenged all kinds of people to open up about their feelings of loss and instigated countless conversations about grief.

An entirely inevitable subject, which I believe has long been too taboo to mention, is making people talk.

I’ve been pretty vocal on the matter. I’ve written 30-odd posts in less than a month. I’ve penned features for the national press. I’ve spoken openly on TV and radio shows throughout the weeks. I’ve shared the experiences that my son and I are going through in an attempt to help people in similar situations find empathy and understanding during the most confusing and isolating of times.

But what do I know?

I’ve only been grieving the loss of my wife for 11 weeks. My grief is raw, my experiences new and my feelings change constantly throughout every single day. I can’t offer advice or counsel to the people who visit my blog because I have neither the answers nor the expertise. I’m not even blessed with the gift of hindsight as yet. All I have are stories of the here and now.

Which is why I’ve decided to launch guest posts from this week. I’m opening up the blog as a channel for people who know much more than me to share their stories about how they’ve dealt with loss.

Regardless of the authors’ qualifications, experience or status, each post will offer a personal insight into bereavement.

They may offer advice from people who are qualified to dish it out.

They may offer wisdom from people kind enough to share.

But most of all I hope they offer hope.

Keep reading…

N.B. If you would like to pen a guest post, please contact me directly either via email, Facebook or Twitter. All details can be found on the home page. Thank you. 

10 comments on “guest posts

  1. viv
    February 3, 2013

    Just wanted to say how I feel for you and having been in a similar situation (my partner of 28 years was knocked off his motor bike by an uninsured driver in a stolen van), I can really relate to your story albeit I dont have kids. I had great comfort and support form a local bereavement group run by a local funeral directors. As you know there were about 80% women and 20% men but it was an older group and I guess that is normal. However it was a tremendous support. I can also highly recommend the WAY (widowed and young) foundation who would be more on your wavelength as they are under 50 and the majority have children. They have a facebook page too and organise events and holidays . I hope it may help you. I can only say that after 5 and 1/2 years it has got easier and amazingly life does carry on and the old adage “time is a healer” really does happen. I am in a new relationship which I never ever thought would happen. So good luck and I know that you will smile again. Love and best wishes from Viv

  2. lesley
    February 3, 2013

    What I have found most helpful in the 21 weeks since losing my brother is not advise but people who listen when I am up to talking ( usually going over the same things over and over again – my brother took his own life so we have a situation we cant make sense of but desparately need to ) and who understand my need to be alone at times. A lot of people think supporting you means having to physically be with you but support can be giving someone the space to be alone with their thoughts and feelings. Letting me know they are there when I dont want to be on my own means so much. I will get through this though for someone who likes to be in control what I have to accept is that grief is something I cant control and this is a journey that will take longer than I would like it to but as long as I keep going forward thats ok.

  3. handikwani02
    February 3, 2013

    Just to say my heart goes to you and your son. My story is a different kind of loss, I wish you will one day understand what happened to you and your son. I am sure you will find your own way of moving on with your son

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  6. James McDuffy
    September 2, 2013

    Hi there,

    First and foremost, so so sorry to read your story in the Evening Standard about the horrible and tragic loss of your wife. Unfortunately, most of us have experienced the loss of a close one, but maybe not a spouse, so I can only imagine what you are going through.

    My name is James McDuffy and I work for the online publication Low Testosterone Cure. I have been going through your website and think that its content and readability is excellent. I wanted to propose submitting a guest post on your site. Our subject matter (as you can probably gather from the name) involves all aspects of testosterone and male age-related issues.

    Our site is updated every week, sometime two or three times a week and we try to keep our audience as engaged as much as possible. Our visitor traffic is steadily increasing from week to week, which ultimately demonstrates our growing reputation as a credible male-health site.

    For your information, our URL is http://www.lowtestosteronecure.org

    I thank you in advance for taking time to read my proposal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

    • lifeasawidower.com
      September 2, 2013

      Hi James,

      Thanks for getting in touch. I only feature posts about grief on the blog and only work with commercial organisations if they have information or a service of some kind that might benefit bereaved people. I’m not sure what you had in mind but let me know.

      Cheers,

      Ben

  7. Michael H
    September 17, 2013

    Hey Ben… sorry for your loss. My wife died on 9/12/2013.. I just buried her yesterday.. so I know how you feel, at least in the early stages of grief.. She was only 29, died so young. We have 2 young kids and I’m not sure where to even start picking up the pieces, I don’t even feel like trying yet. I feel so alone now that she is gone and feel guilty for not telling her I loved her more often than I did. There’s nothing anyone can say or do to help the pain; it just won’t go away.

    • lifeasawidower.com
      September 21, 2013

      I think all we can really do is go through it. I just wish you all the best on your way. There’s help out there for you and the kids when you’re ready. But I’m sure you’ll know if and when the time is right.

  8. Michelle
    December 10, 2013

    hi, I am 20 and lost the father of my children. we were together for five years and have a 1 yr old boy and 4 yr old daughter. My husband was also taken tragically and unexpectedly. I too wake up everyday buried in the reality of loneliness. I never felt it before until he was taken. I am trying to find myself as I don’t know how to be a single mother of two yet. There are things in life we have to begin to understand when we are not ready for it. This happened and now i see death everywhere. i never realized how much death there was until i had to think about the love of my life being there. i was once complete and now broken. I am scared to even think of living this life. but I think I must be here for a reason. I thank you for putting up this blog and bringing a place for insight. Our family lost him on Nov 3rd 2013. He was a great man and died so young at the age of 23. I am still lost like it happened yesterday. everyday is a struggle, but like others say we got to look at what we have and not at what we can’t have. again thanks for sharing and i share your pain. We do live on for our loved ones.

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