Life as a Widower

A young widowed father opening up about living with loss

painful motivation

I ran the London Marathon yesterday. Years ago, a friend asked if I’d ever fancied doing it before and I said no. That was partly because I thought I’d end up losing too … Continue reading

April 14, 2014 · 8 Comments

beyond pain

I don’t think I had ever cried over the death of a person I didn’t know until last night. As I was leaving work I heard the news that Peaches Geldof … Continue reading

April 8, 2014 · 40 Comments

expiry dates

Something hasn’t been right with me this week. I’ve felt a heavy sense of foreboding envelop me out of nowhere, and it has taken me ages to figure out why. After … Continue reading

April 6, 2014 · 69 Comments

male pride

A few weeks ago when I was staying away from home with friends, I asked them if they ever get any genuine sense of satisfaction from their own personal achievements … Continue reading

March 23, 2014 · 6 Comments

smiley faces

I’ve felt a great degree of tension about how to best raise my son since my wife was killed. Immediately after her death I did my very best to act … Continue reading

March 16, 2014 · 3 Comments

the couch

I’ve started seeing a counsellor again. I first tried psychotherapy a couple of months after my wife was killed but it just didn’t work out. I suppose I had it … Continue reading

March 13, 2014 · 19 Comments

two’s company

I’ve been feeling very lonely recently and my loneliness isn’t really allayed by the company of others. I’m led to believe this sensation is common amongst the widowed. I think … Continue reading

March 11, 2014 · 29 Comments

lonely business

I’m growing accustomed to – if entirely frustrated with – the crashing lows I suffer as a result of experiencing more upbeat times. Sometimes I’m actually tempted not to bother … Continue reading

February 27, 2014 · 7 Comments

nervous breakdown

Around this time last year I went on holiday with my best friends and Jackson. It didn’t go too well. I’m not sure why I thought that a week in the … Continue reading

February 22, 2014 · 5 Comments

fading butterflies

Some months after my wife died I realised that my son needed the sort of attention and affection that I wasn’t going to be able to provide whilst working full-time, … Continue reading

February 9, 2014 · 7 Comments

judgement day

A few days ago a fellow widower asked me what my views were on whether he should still wear his wedding ring. I thought about his question for a long … Continue reading

February 2, 2014 · 9 Comments

don’t ask

I find that some days my grief just grows heavy and intense without any real warning or explanation. These days, however, I try to avoid letting on when l feel … Continue reading

January 26, 2014 · 11 Comments

being vulnerable

It has occurred to me on several occasions that sometimes I might actually alienate the people I hoped to reach when I first launched this blog: other widows and widowers … Continue reading

January 19, 2014 · 10 Comments

subtle moments

I went out for dinner with an old friend last night. Jackson wasn’t too pleased about me leaving the house, allegedly because he was concerned that it was my bedtime … Continue reading

January 17, 2014 · Leave a comment

cover story

Last week I felt the sudden pang of an emotion that I haven’t experienced in a very long time: excitement. It took me entirely by surprise not least because it … Continue reading

January 15, 2014 · 8 Comments

distant friends

I got a call from a friend on Friday who was phoning to let me know that an ex-colleague of ours had died. The last time I ever heard from … Continue reading

January 13, 2014 · 8 Comments

twelve days

A few weeks ago I launched a rather scathing attack on Christmas in a post I published on this blog. I was feeling exceptionally low at the time, and perhaps … Continue reading

January 2, 2014 · 7 Comments

first thoughts

As much as I try to understand what is going on inside my son’s little head, I’ve come to realise that it’s impossible to really know what a toddler is … Continue reading

January 1, 2014 · 3 Comments

conflicted year

This time last year my wife had been dead for just seven weeks. Although a number of friends had invited me to spend New Year’s Eve with them, I decided … Continue reading

December 31, 2013 · 5 Comments

wonderful life

Last night I watched the old black and white film It’s a Wonderful Life for the first time. Released in 1946, thirty-three years before I was born, it’s about an angel-in-training who … Continue reading

December 30, 2013 · 6 Comments

mirror image

I took the picture of my wife on the left at Christmas in 2010 and the one on the right of our son today. It’s beautiful to still be able … Continue reading

December 26, 2013 · 3 Comments

wishing peace

People often write to me to explaining that they have also lost a loved one; I mostly hear from other widows and widowers who are reaching out to say that … Continue reading

December 24, 2013 · 9 Comments

love letters

In June 1997 a journalist called Mary Schmich published a column in the Chicago Tribune entitled ‘Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young‘. I was at university when the column … Continue reading

December 22, 2013 · 3 Comments

nativity play

One of the things I really struggle with as a widowed dad raising a toddler alone is that I find myself constantly questioning what my son’s behaviour would be like … Continue reading

December 19, 2013 · 7 Comments

mindful happiness

Since starting this blog almost a year ago, I’ve been pretty outspoken about my distaste for many of the clichés and platitudes so often offered as comfort to the bereaved. And … Continue reading

December 16, 2013 · 11 Comments

happy christmas

Having lost my wife late last year it probably goes without saying that 2013 has been an unhappy year for me, save the joy our little boy has continuously brought. But … Continue reading

December 12, 2013 · 7 Comments

best friends

This is a guest post by Anya Hayes Anya first got in touch with me after seeing my son in the park with his grandmother. She recognised him from his … Continue reading

December 8, 2013 · 6 Comments

christmas angel

This week I decided to give Christmas a go. This time last year my wife had only been buried a week, and yet somehow I felt more determined to try … Continue reading

December 8, 2013 · 18 Comments

changed personality

Over the past few days two different interactions with two different people on two completely different topics have led me to the same conclusion – grief has the potential to … Continue reading

November 22, 2013 · 21 Comments

selfie indulgence

I’ve very much enjoyed following today’s news that ‘selfie’ has been named Oxford Dictionaries’ 2013 word of the year. What I’ve enjoyed even more, however, is digesting all of the … Continue reading

November 19, 2013 · 6 Comments

mood swings

Most people can’t remember much about being a toddler; it’s much easier to recall memories of being a teenager. Sometimes I wonder whether one of the reasons we forget our … Continue reading

November 17, 2013 · 7 Comments

truly privileged

I took on a train journey with my son yesterday. It sounds like a simple, everyday kind of thing to do and it was once. But some things that used … Continue reading

November 14, 2013 · 7 Comments

remembrance sunday

Today is the first anniversary of Desreen’s death and contemplating what to write has troubled me more than anything else I’ve published this year. The temptation to say nothing at … Continue reading

November 10, 2013 · 33 Comments

things break

This is a guest post by Willis Goodmoore Willis Goodmoore, 51, is a widowed father from the United States. His husband Sheldon passed away two years ago in November 2011. They … Continue reading

November 5, 2013 · 4 Comments

single dads

Earlier this year a lovely man called Harry Borden turned up on my door step to take some pictures of my son and me. As one of the country’s leading … Continue reading

November 2, 2013 · 10 Comments

helping parents

An article appeared in today’s Daily Telegraph about an issue that has been making headlines for several weeks – government plans to reform Widowed Parent’s Allowance (WPA). Currently the allowance is made … Continue reading

October 28, 2013 · 20 Comments

new shoes

About a year ago my wife, Desreen, came into our living room with a naughty look on her face and new shoes on her feet. ‘Why are you wearing my … Continue reading

October 23, 2013 · 6 Comments

birthday boy

Jackson, my boy, as you’re three today, There are two or three things that I’d like say. There are one or two things you might never have known, And there … Continue reading

October 17, 2013 · 35 Comments

postfatal depression

After recently spending an enlightening weekend at a residential camp led by the child bereavement charity Grief Encounter, which was primarily devoted to children who had lost a parent, I began to … Continue reading

October 11, 2013 · 21 Comments

healing scents

This is a guest post by Anita Bhagwandas. It was first published by Stylist and appears on Life as a Widower with kind permission.  Last year Anita Bhagwandas suffered the loss of one … Continue reading

October 6, 2013 · 3 Comments

birthday girl

It’s my wife’s birthday; Desreen was born 34 years ago today. I’m struggling so much this week and, for once, a little lost for words. So here’s a selection of pictures … Continue reading

October 4, 2013 · 18 Comments

in training

When my wife first died late last year, one thing that really struck me was just how many presents our son received. Everyone was so generous but I couldn’t help … Continue reading

September 27, 2013 · 10 Comments

the boss

My last post received lots of really helpful comments about dealing with my son’s grief-related anger. So useful have they been, in fact, that he’s actually been much better today. And perhaps … Continue reading

September 26, 2013 · 15 Comments

fictitious widows

My wife didn’t really care too much for film or TV. The only shows she ever really got into were The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Coronation Street and Desperate Housewives. And the … Continue reading

September 23, 2013 · 8 Comments

fashion weak

London Fashion Week kicked off today. If you’re ever in the capital when it’s on you really know about it because you can hear the constant clattering of stilettos, because … Continue reading

September 13, 2013 · 10 Comments

smiling eyes

My publisher got in touch last week to ask me who they should credit for a head shot I provided some time ago when I was first invited to write … Continue reading

September 11, 2013 · 6 Comments

but nothing

‘Are you going to be okay with all this?’ These days I get asked this question every time I attend any social occasion that involves more than four people. I … Continue reading

September 1, 2013 · 19 Comments
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 12,842 other followers