Tag Archives: widow
toddler grief
In January this year I wrote a feature for The Guardian about my experience of telling my son his mummy was dead. I guess at the time I hoped his pain would … Continue reading
seven months
January February March November April June May December Time, oh Time, why d’you lie? Go march on, leave me behind You may give, you may take, you may lend, you … Continue reading
primal scream
In the weeks following my wife’s death I was consumed by fear for our son’s future. How would he react? How would I tell him what had happened? Could he … Continue reading
hay griever
Sometimes reactions speak louder than words. Well this last week I’ve tried to verbalise what’s wrong but it’s been my eyes rather than my mouth that have done all the … Continue reading
inverted commas
Five months ago this week I set up this blog with just one intention. I wanted to help other young widowers find someone who could relate to the hell they … Continue reading
forever love
This afternoon I attended my first wedding since my wife died. I had no ‘plus one’, just me and my friends. I was the guy on his own, which I … Continue reading
butterfly sanctuary
This is a guest post written by Emilie Adams Emilie, 44, is from France and lives in London with her family. She was happily married to Rob until 24th March … Continue reading
day off
Some mornings I wake up and wonder, ‘Should I have a day off from grief today?’. A whole day when I don’t analyse my loss, write about it or read … Continue reading
dad’s birthday
This is guest post written by Nicola Murray Nic Murray is an ex-colleague of mine who I think the world of. Soon after my wife died she wrote to me … Continue reading
heavy happiness
The sun was shining on us today. I woke up feeling okay and decided it was time to get out and play. Being ill for a fortnight has not only … Continue reading
liquid hope
Thank God for chicken pox. I never thought I’d say that given the pain I was in and how disgusting I still look and feel, but they did come with … Continue reading
man flu
I’ve just started to feel something like human again after nearly two weeks of suffering from chicken pox. ‘Man flu’, I hear you cry. Well maybe, but I can honestly … Continue reading
difficult company
I’ve tried, so far unsuccessfully, to find out who wrote this poem. Whoever did has done a brilliant job of capturing the ‘please always be there for me except for … Continue reading
six months
Next Friday will be the six month anniversary of my wife’s untimely death. It simultaneously means both everything and nothing to me. Everything because I can’t believe how much our … Continue reading
babes’ mouths
Well yesterday took me by surprise. I’ve been telling people how I’m dreading Jackson’s friends getting to that age where they start to compare themselves to others around them. That … Continue reading
our song
A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that I’d written a song with my musician friend Paul Hand. Well it’s out today and proceeds from its downloads will go to … Continue reading
daddy’s books
This is a guest post by Elke Barber Elke is a self-employed graphic designer and the author of Is Daddy Coming Back in a Minute?, a fully-illustrated children’s book explaining (sudden) death … Continue reading
eating out
Without even realising it, I’ve taken to eating out alone. I’ve just been on my second lunch date with myself in a week. The first time I was entirely alone, … Continue reading
clean living
I feel disgusting. Not a single part of my body feels good. I’ve got a runny nose and I’m continually sneezing but I wouldn’t say I have a cold. I’ve … Continue reading
dramatic emotions
I ran the Brighton Half Marathon yesterday. It’d been planned for ages and my wife, Desreen, was due to take part with me. I knew she wouldn’t need to get … Continue reading
new words
Many widows and widowers speak of the uncomfortable ‘widowy’ moments they’ve experienced since losing their spouse. Like when they realised a friend had crossed the road to avoid them just … Continue reading
finding myself
I always used to love the idea that you could take a year out of your life in your twenties to go and ‘find yourself’. Invariably you’d only really find … Continue reading
sick child
Never has a common cold felt more intense and I don’t even have one. Late last week my little boy woke up and radiated temperatures between 38 and 40°C throughout … Continue reading
guest posts
Monday 3rd February will mark four weeks since lifeasawidower.com launched. In that short space of time the blog has already seen a quarter of a million views, connected many widowers … Continue reading
happy days
I used to love that conversation about Falling Down, you know that one where you’d ask what it would take to make you explode with anger like the character played … Continue reading
being positive
When someone close to you dies, the well-wisher who tells you to ‘stay positive’ should be prepared for a somewhat negative response. What if you weren’t that positive a person … Continue reading
want mummy
For such a small chap, it seems strange to me that my son has become the elephant in the room. People seem comfortable checking how I am, but it’s often … Continue reading
feeling nothing
I used to crave constant praise from Desreen, which is perhaps why she offered it sparingly and only when she really meant it. She was big on self-improvement and probably … Continue reading
logging off
When a person from the Facebook generation dies, their friends can do something that wouldn’t have been possible a decade ago. They can quickly visit one single page online and … Continue reading
quiet phone
My phone used to ring all the time. As did Desreen’s. Not because we have so many friends, but because we updated each other constantly throughout the day about what … Continue reading
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little treasures
At Desreen’s funeral, the vicar who married us said something that really stuck with me. As he held up a card from Liberty that she’d sent him some weeks earlier, … Continue reading
feeling proud
I am immensely proud of my wife, perhaps more so now than ever before. When I wrote her eulogy, Being Desreen, I asked people to help me and Jackson in … Continue reading
poor daddy
I made a mistake when Desreen first died. I tried to hide my grief from my son thinking that he wouldn’t suffer so much if I seemed happy and kept … Continue reading
helping widows
It’s so interesting to observe human behaviour when you lose someone. Those who haven’t experienced close loss often find it impossible to know what to do or say, so they … Continue reading
condensing grief
This one is short and anything but sweet. One of the most difficult aspects of the grieving process is perhaps the most obvious. It’s trying to come to terms with … Continue reading
grieving toddlers
Go and try to find some information on toddler grief that will make you feel better about the death of your infant child’s mummy. And let me know when you … Continue reading
enjoying memories
Tomorrow is the eight year anniversary of our first date. We went to see Desreen’s friend’s boyfriend playing in a band at 93 Feet East. Typical of us to go … Continue reading
imagining it
Almost everyone I’ve spoken to since 10th November 2012 has told me that they can’t imagine what I’m going through. My stock response has become, “Don’t try. You wouldn’t like … Continue reading
jumping around
I’ve made another decision. At least for now anyway. This blog is not going to be chronological or linear because it’s designed to represent grief, which is neither. Grief is … Continue reading
being strong
I’ve decided I’m not going to write about the incident. It’s really easy for people to say, “You need to see a counsellor and go over what happened on the … Continue reading
opening up
On November 10th 2012 just after 8pm I left my friends’ home a happily married father. By 9.17pm I was sat outside their house in an ambulance, a widower in … Continue reading
like this
I’ve been gradually falling into a low mood for several weeks. The word depressed in its clinical sense is wrong, because I am not ill. But in its way of … Continue reading →