Life as a Widower

A young widowed father opening up about living with loss

something yellow

I keep being asked how I feel about Father’s Day and what I have planned. The honest truth is that, because I’m lucky enough to already spend so much time … Continue reading

June 14, 2014 · 4 Comments

beautiful ladybirds

Earlier this week I met with a child psychologist to discuss my son; naturally I’m concerned about how he has and will respond to losing his mother at such a … Continue reading

April 20, 2014 · 15 Comments

beyond pain

I don’t think I had ever cried over the death of a person I didn’t know until last night. As I was leaving work I heard the news that Peaches Geldof … Continue reading

April 8, 2014 · 41 Comments

cover story

Last week I felt the sudden pang of an emotion that I haven’t experienced in a very long time: excitement. It took me entirely by surprise not least because it … Continue reading

January 15, 2014 · 10 Comments

first thoughts

As much as I try to understand what is going on inside my son’s little head, I’ve come to realise that it’s impossible to really know what a toddler is … Continue reading

January 1, 2014 · 3 Comments

happy christmas

Having lost my wife late last year it probably goes without saying that 2013 has been an unhappy year for me, save the joy our little boy has continuously brought. But … Continue reading

December 12, 2013 · 7 Comments

christmas angel

This week I decided to give Christmas a go. This time last year my wife had only been buried a week, and yet somehow I felt more determined to try … Continue reading

December 8, 2013 · 18 Comments

truly privileged

I took on a train journey with my son yesterday. It sounds like a simple, everyday kind of thing to do and it was once. But some things that used … Continue reading

November 14, 2013 · 7 Comments

empty reassurance

My son’s behaviour has taken a nosedive. He’s angry. He’s suddenly become all-too-frequently furious and ferocious. Not having the right lid for a pan or the exact piece of Lego … Continue reading

September 25, 2013 · 27 Comments

grief expectations

In the Charles Dickens novel Great Expectations the lead character, Pip, is introduced as a downtrodden orphan living with his abusive sister and her somewhat kinder husband. One day, when visiting … Continue reading

September 8, 2013 · 7 Comments

the truth

It would be so easy for me just to share stories of the progress my son and I are making and to set out to inspire. But that is not … Continue reading

July 20, 2013 · 7 Comments

toddler grief

In January this year I wrote a feature for The Guardian about my experience of telling my son his mummy was dead. I guess at the time I hoped his pain would … Continue reading

June 11, 2013 · 16 Comments

primal scream

In the weeks following my wife’s death I was consumed by fear for our son’s future. How would he react? How would I tell him what had happened? Could he … Continue reading

June 9, 2013 · 5 Comments

day off

Some mornings I wake up and wonder, ‘Should I have a day off from grief today?’. A whole day when I don’t analyse my loss, write about it or read … Continue reading

May 28, 2013 · 19 Comments

dear mummy

Dear Mummy, This shot was just days before we had to say goodbye. Daddy couldn’t wait to show you but sadly he never got the chance. It’s been nearly six … Continue reading

May 10, 2013 · 12 Comments

progress review

This is a third guest post by my two-year-old son, Jackson Bo Brooks-Dutton. In Jackson’s third post, he shares news of his latest nursery progress review – the first since … Continue reading

March 21, 2013 · 5 Comments

grief cycle

On 22nd December 2012, my son drew this picture on an envelope with a ballpoint pen. “What’s that, darling?” I asked. “It Mummy”, he replied. ‘Then it’s a keeper’, I … Continue reading

March 9, 2013 · 9 Comments

want mummy

For such a small chap, it seems strange to me that my son has become the elephant in the room. People seem comfortable checking how I am, but it’s often … Continue reading

January 14, 2013 · 32 Comments
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