Life as a Widower

A young widowed father opening up about living with loss

summer sabbatical

In July last year I decided to leave my job to be with my son. Actually, I’ll correct myself, I think it would be fair to say that life made … Continue reading

June 20, 2014 · 52 Comments

something yellow

I keep being asked how I feel about Father’s Day and what I have planned. The honest truth is that, because I’m lucky enough to already spend so much time … Continue reading

June 14, 2014 · 4 Comments

summertime sadness

When I was a child I used to suffer from nosebleeds every time the shifting seasons caused an acute change in the temperature. Until the weekend just gone, however, I hadn’t … Continue reading

May 19, 2014 · 19 Comments

beyond pain

I don’t think I had ever cried over the death of a person I didn’t know until last night. As I was leaving work I heard the news that Peaches Geldof … Continue reading

April 8, 2014 · 41 Comments

the couch

I’ve started seeing a counsellor again. I first tried psychotherapy a couple of months after my wife was killed but it just didn’t work out. I suppose I had it … Continue reading

March 13, 2014 · 21 Comments

two’s company

I’ve been feeling very lonely recently and my loneliness isn’t really allayed by the company of others. I’m led to believe this sensation is common amongst the widowed. I think … Continue reading

March 11, 2014 · 33 Comments

nervous breakdown

Around this time last year I went on holiday with my best friends and Jackson. It didn’t go too well. I’m not sure why I thought that a week in the … Continue reading

February 22, 2014 · 6 Comments

cover story

Last week I felt the sudden pang of an emotion that I haven’t experienced in a very long time: excitement. It took me entirely by surprise not least because it … Continue reading

January 15, 2014 · 10 Comments

twelve days

A few weeks ago I launched a rather scathing attack on Christmas in a post I published on this blog. I was feeling exceptionally low at the time, and perhaps … Continue reading

January 2, 2014 · 7 Comments

first thoughts

As much as I try to understand what is going on inside my son’s little head, I’ve come to realise that it’s impossible to really know what a toddler is … Continue reading

January 1, 2014 · 3 Comments

conflicted year

This time last year my wife had been dead for just seven weeks. Although a number of friends had invited me to spend New Year’s Eve with them, I decided … Continue reading

December 31, 2013 · 5 Comments

nativity play

One of the things I really struggle with as a widowed dad raising a toddler alone is that I find myself constantly questioning what my son’s behaviour would be like … Continue reading

December 19, 2013 · 7 Comments

mindful happiness

Since starting this blog almost a year ago, I’ve been pretty outspoken about my distaste for many of the clichés and platitudes so often offered as comfort to the bereaved. And … Continue reading

December 16, 2013 · 11 Comments

happy christmas

Having lost my wife late last year it probably goes without saying that 2013 has been an unhappy year for me, save the joy our little boy has continuously brought. But … Continue reading

December 12, 2013 · 7 Comments

christmas angel

This week I decided to give Christmas a go. This time last year my wife had only been buried a week, and yet somehow I felt more determined to try … Continue reading

December 8, 2013 · 18 Comments

selfie indulgence

I’ve very much enjoyed following today’s news that ‘selfie’ has been named Oxford Dictionaries’ 2013 word of the year. What I’ve enjoyed even more, however, is digesting all of the … Continue reading

November 19, 2013 · 6 Comments

mood swings

Most people can’t remember much about being a toddler; it’s much easier to recall memories of being a teenager. Sometimes I wonder whether one of the reasons we forget our … Continue reading

November 17, 2013 · 7 Comments

truly privileged

I took on a train journey with my son yesterday. It sounds like a simple, everyday kind of thing to do and it was once. But some things that used … Continue reading

November 14, 2013 · 7 Comments

remembrance sunday

Today is the first anniversary of Desreen’s death and contemplating what to write has troubled me more than anything else I’ve published this year. The temptation to say nothing at … Continue reading

November 10, 2013 · 33 Comments

things break

This is a guest post by Willis Goodmoore Willis Goodmoore, 51, is a widowed father from the United States. His husband Sheldon passed away two years ago in November 2011. They … Continue reading

November 5, 2013 · 4 Comments

single dads

Earlier this year a lovely man called Harry Borden turned up on my door step to take some pictures of my son and me. As one of the country’s leading … Continue reading

November 2, 2013 · 10 Comments

helping parents

An article appeared in today’s Daily Telegraph about an issue that has been making headlines for several weeks – government plans to reform Widowed Parent’s Allowance (WPA). Currently the allowance is made … Continue reading

October 28, 2013 · 20 Comments

the end

This is Life as a Widower’s very first illustrated guest post by Anders Nilsen I first read about Anders Nilsen, a cartoonist from the States, in an interview with The Guardian, which was published … Continue reading

October 24, 2013 · 14 Comments

postfatal depression

After recently spending an enlightening weekend at a residential camp led by the child bereavement charity Grief Encounter, which was primarily devoted to children who had lost a parent, I began to … Continue reading

October 11, 2013 · 21 Comments

fictitious widows

My wife didn’t really care too much for film or TV. The only shows she ever really got into were The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Coronation Street and Desperate Housewives. And the … Continue reading

September 23, 2013 · 8 Comments

fashion weak

London Fashion Week kicked off today. If you’re ever in the capital when it’s on you really know about it because you can hear the constant clattering of stilettos, because … Continue reading

September 13, 2013 · 10 Comments

but nothing

‘Are you going to be okay with all this?’ These days I get asked this question every time I attend any social occasion that involves more than four people. I … Continue reading

September 1, 2013 · 19 Comments

clearly positive

This is a guest post by Michael Adams Michael’s wife, Helen, died on 1st March 2013 after a brave battle with breast cancer leaving behind a loving, dedicated husband and … Continue reading

August 22, 2013 · 6 Comments

birthday beats

Today’s my 34th birthday. This means I’m now what I said I feared most when I gave my wife’s eulogy – older than she ever got chance to be – … Continue reading

August 12, 2013 · 31 Comments

time out

This whole blogging business is still pretty new to me. Having set up my site without giving it too much thought, I never really got chance to explore any guidelines … Continue reading

July 29, 2013 · 22 Comments

love reigns

Lost that bitter winter’s night, Searching balmy summer days for you, Beams of light from a sunset sky Illuminate you in his radiant face. Hope whispers tender words of warmth, … Continue reading

July 27, 2013 · 4 Comments

time travel

I remember the pain of last November well. And I remember lying awake all night in bed searching my mind for answers and the internet for solutions to that pain. … Continue reading

July 26, 2013 · 16 Comments

long division

I think I understand the challenges that many bereaved people face when it comes to their relationships with others after the death of someone very close. I use the word … Continue reading

July 25, 2013 · 14 Comments

what if

What if we’d never left home that day, What if we’d travelled a different way. What if we’d gone by taxi not train, What if we’d only had starter not … Continue reading

July 22, 2013 · 26 Comments

meaning it

I’ve got a bulging folder in my Hotmail account entitled ‘offers of help’. I had this kind of twisted fantasy going around in my head after my wife died whereby … Continue reading

July 19, 2013 · 23 Comments

comfortably numb

“I can’t explain. You would not understand. This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.” – Pink Floyd I’ve half-written lots of posts this week that haven’t made it onto … Continue reading

July 18, 2013 · 7 Comments

eight months

The day after I started writing this blog I published a post entitled Imagining It as a way of responding to the frequent comment, “I just can’t imagine what you’re going through”. Six … Continue reading

July 10, 2013 · 9 Comments

marginalised grief

By the time my grandma passed away this week she had come to terms with her death. She had been suffering from pulmonary fibrosis, a scarring of the lung, which made … Continue reading

July 9, 2013 · 7 Comments

grief encounter

My mind is racing this morning as it has been all through the night. My head is so full of thoughts that I can barely decide how to commit them … Continue reading

July 7, 2013 · 11 Comments

nappy valley

About two years ago I started writing a blog that no one ever saw. No one apart from my wife at least. It was about all sorts of nonsense that … Continue reading

June 22, 2013 · 20 Comments

like this

I’ve been gradually falling into a low mood for several weeks. The word depressed in its clinical sense is wrong, because I am not ill. But in its way of … Continue reading

June 19, 2013 · 33 Comments

engaging memories

I’m sitting in the spot in Regent’s Park where Desreen and I got engaged four years ago this week. It’s a day much like that one. Warm but overcast. Close. … Continue reading

June 18, 2013 · 9 Comments

father’s day

It’s Father’s Day in the UK today. For those of us who are lucky enough to actually have a father, it’s probably a time to send a card, pick up … Continue reading

June 16, 2013 · 10 Comments

annabel’s angels

This is a special Father’s Day guest post by Simon Hancox Simon’s wife Annabel was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in April 2012. She died just after Christmas last year, … Continue reading

June 15, 2013 · 2 Comments

toddler grief

In January this year I wrote a feature for The Guardian about my experience of telling my son his mummy was dead. I guess at the time I hoped his pain would … Continue reading

June 11, 2013 · 16 Comments

hay griever

Sometimes reactions speak louder than words. Well this last week I’ve tried to verbalise what’s wrong but it’s been my eyes rather than my mouth that have done all the … Continue reading

June 8, 2013 · 15 Comments

losing zoë

This is a guest post by Walter and Dorothy Schwarz This story is exceptionally close to my heart. It’s about the suicide of a girl who I never met, which in … Continue reading

June 7, 2013 · 8 Comments
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