Life as a Widower

A young widowed father opening up about living with loss

something yellow

I keep being asked how I feel about Father’s Day and what I have planned. The honest truth is that, because I’m lucky enough to already spend so much time … Continue reading

June 14, 2014 · 4 Comments

blue eyes

This is a guest post by Michael Hand and is the fourth in this blog’s Inspiring Friends series.  The morning after I first met Desreen I came home and told my flat mates I’d met … Continue reading

June 13, 2014 · 9 Comments

summertime sadness

When I was a child I used to suffer from nosebleeds every time the shifting seasons caused an acute change in the temperature. Until the weekend just gone, however, I hadn’t … Continue reading

May 19, 2014 · 19 Comments

changing direction

Life rarely goes exactly to plan. When I was young there was a time when I really thought that I wanted to be a bin man because I loved the … Continue reading

May 8, 2014 · 12 Comments

beautiful ladybirds

Earlier this week I met with a child psychologist to discuss my son; naturally I’m concerned about how he has and will respond to losing his mother at such a … Continue reading

April 20, 2014 · 15 Comments

painful motivation

I ran the London Marathon yesterday. Years ago, a friend asked if I’d ever fancied doing it before and I said no. That was partly because I thought I’d end up losing too … Continue reading

April 14, 2014 · 11 Comments

my mummy

If you would like to sponsor any other amount please just change the £2 to whatever you like or visit http://www.justgiving.com/lifeasawidower to do it online. Thanks so much.

April 10, 2014 · 4 Comments

expiry dates

Something hasn’t been right with me this week. I’ve felt a heavy sense of foreboding envelop me out of nowhere, and it has taken me ages to figure out why. After … Continue reading

April 6, 2014 · 97 Comments

mother’s day

Dear Mummy, Happy Mother’s Day. This will be my second one without you and I’m not even four yet. All the other children at nursery made cards for their mummies … Continue reading

March 30, 2014 · 13 Comments

dreading things

Hangovers are a funny old business. In that moment when I’m about to down something that looks radioactive and tastes like it might kill me, I rarely think ahead to how … Continue reading

March 29, 2014 · 3 Comments

male pride

A few weeks ago when I was staying away from home with friends, I asked them if they ever get any genuine sense of satisfaction from their own personal achievements … Continue reading

March 23, 2014 · 6 Comments

smiley faces

I’ve felt a great degree of tension about how to best raise my son since my wife was killed. Immediately after her death I did my very best to act … Continue reading

March 16, 2014 · 5 Comments

london marathon

Six weeks tomorrow a friend and I will run the London Marathon to raise funds for a child bereavement charity called Grief Encounter. I could write all day about how … Continue reading

March 1, 2014 · 4 Comments

just everything

Some days are really hard: some because something specific happens and others because nothing specific happens at all. These days I find the latter the most challenging; the days when … Continue reading

February 12, 2014 · 8 Comments

fading butterflies

Some months after my wife died I realised that my son needed the sort of attention and affection that I wasn’t going to be able to provide whilst working full-time, … Continue reading

February 9, 2014 · 8 Comments

our desreen

This poem is a guest post by Gareth Williams and the first in this blog’s Inspiring Friends series.  When I first met Desreen nine years ago I lived in a shared flat … Continue reading

February 8, 2014 · 7 Comments

inspiring friends

A few days after my wife died I opened up a new email account and asked people to send me their memories of her. At the time the messages I … Continue reading

February 7, 2014 · 7 Comments

subtle moments

I went out for dinner with an old friend last night. Jackson wasn’t too pleased about me leaving the house, allegedly because he was concerned that it was my bedtime … Continue reading

January 17, 2014 · Leave a comment

cover story

Last week I felt the sudden pang of an emotion that I haven’t experienced in a very long time: excitement. It took me entirely by surprise not least because it … Continue reading

January 15, 2014 · 10 Comments

distant friends

I got a call from a friend on Friday who was phoning to let me know that an ex-colleague of ours had died. The last time I ever heard from … Continue reading

January 13, 2014 · 8 Comments

twelve days

A few weeks ago I launched a rather scathing attack on Christmas in a post I published on this blog. I was feeling exceptionally low at the time, and perhaps … Continue reading

January 2, 2014 · 7 Comments

first thoughts

As much as I try to understand what is going on inside my son’s little head, I’ve come to realise that it’s impossible to really know what a toddler is … Continue reading

January 1, 2014 · 3 Comments

conflicted year

This time last year my wife had been dead for just seven weeks. Although a number of friends had invited me to spend New Year’s Eve with them, I decided … Continue reading

December 31, 2013 · 5 Comments

wonderful life

Last night I watched the old black and white film It’s a Wonderful Life for the first time. Released in 1946, thirty-three years before I was born, it’s about an angel-in-training who … Continue reading

December 30, 2013 · 6 Comments

mirror image

I took the picture of my wife on the left at Christmas in 2010 and the one on the right of our son today. It’s beautiful to still be able … Continue reading

December 26, 2013 · 3 Comments

love letters

In June 1997 a journalist called Mary Schmich published a column in the Chicago Tribune entitled ‘Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young‘. I was at university when the column … Continue reading

December 22, 2013 · 3 Comments

nativity play

One of the things I really struggle with as a widowed dad raising a toddler alone is that I find myself constantly questioning what my son’s behaviour would be like … Continue reading

December 19, 2013 · 7 Comments

mindful happiness

Since starting this blog almost a year ago, I’ve been pretty outspoken about my distaste for many of the clichés and platitudes so often offered as comfort to the bereaved. And … Continue reading

December 16, 2013 · 11 Comments

happy christmas

Having lost my wife late last year it probably goes without saying that 2013 has been an unhappy year for me, save the joy our little boy has continuously brought. But … Continue reading

December 12, 2013 · 7 Comments

christmas angel

This week I decided to give Christmas a go. This time last year my wife had only been buried a week, and yet somehow I felt more determined to try … Continue reading

December 8, 2013 · 18 Comments

selfie indulgence

I’ve very much enjoyed following today’s news that ‘selfie’ has been named Oxford Dictionaries’ 2013 word of the year. What I’ve enjoyed even more, however, is digesting all of the … Continue reading

November 19, 2013 · 6 Comments

truly privileged

I took on a train journey with my son yesterday. It sounds like a simple, everyday kind of thing to do and it was once. But some things that used … Continue reading

November 14, 2013 · 7 Comments

remembrance sunday

Today is the first anniversary of Desreen’s death and contemplating what to write has troubled me more than anything else I’ve published this year. The temptation to say nothing at … Continue reading

November 10, 2013 · 33 Comments

the end

This is Life as a Widower’s very first illustrated guest post by Anders Nilsen I first read about Anders Nilsen, a cartoonist from the States, in an interview with The Guardian, which was published … Continue reading

October 24, 2013 · 14 Comments

new shoes

About a year ago my wife, Desreen, came into our living room with a naughty look on her face and new shoes on her feet. ‘Why are you wearing my … Continue reading

October 23, 2013 · 6 Comments

birthday boy

Jackson, my boy, as you’re three today, There are two or three things that I’d like say. There are one or two things you might never have known, And there … Continue reading

October 17, 2013 · 38 Comments

feeling guilty

This is a guest post by Jeff Brazier  Jeff and I first met at the This Morning studios in February when we were invited onto the show to discuss child bereavement. Like my … Continue reading

October 15, 2013 · 3 Comments

birthday girl

It’s my wife’s birthday; Desreen was born 34 years ago today. I’m struggling so much this week and, for once, a little lost for words. So here’s a selection of pictures … Continue reading

October 4, 2013 · 18 Comments

in training

When my wife first died late last year, one thing that really struck me was just how many presents our son received. Everyone was so generous but I couldn’t help … Continue reading

September 27, 2013 · 10 Comments

fictitious widows

My wife didn’t really care too much for film or TV. The only shows she ever really got into were The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Coronation Street and Desperate Housewives. And the … Continue reading

September 23, 2013 · 8 Comments

fashion weak

London Fashion Week kicked off today. If you’re ever in the capital when it’s on you really know about it because you can hear the constant clattering of stilettos, because … Continue reading

September 13, 2013 · 10 Comments

smiling eyes

My publisher got in touch last week to ask me who they should credit for a head shot I provided some time ago when I was first invited to write … Continue reading

September 11, 2013 · 6 Comments

grief expectations

In the Charles Dickens novel Great Expectations the lead character, Pip, is introduced as a downtrodden orphan living with his abusive sister and her somewhat kinder husband. One day, when visiting … Continue reading

September 8, 2013 · 7 Comments

but nothing

‘Are you going to be okay with all this?’ These days I get asked this question every time I attend any social occasion that involves more than four people. I … Continue reading

September 1, 2013 · 19 Comments

dream on

Grieving for two can be a heavy load. The minute I get a little respite from my own pain, my son will do or say something that totally floors me … Continue reading

August 18, 2013 · 8 Comments

your words

Yesterday I published a post about the comments I have received since I started the blog seven months ago. By the end of the day http://www.lifeasawidower.com clocked its 700,000th view – a … Continue reading

August 13, 2013 · 18 Comments

birthday beats

Today’s my 34th birthday. This means I’m now what I said I feared most when I gave my wife’s eulogy – older than she ever got chance to be – … Continue reading

August 12, 2013 · 31 Comments
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 15,520 other followers