Life as a Widower

A young widowed father opening up about living with loss

birthday girl

It’s my wife’s birthday; Desreen was born 34 years ago today. I’m struggling so much this week and, for once, a little lost for words. So here’s a selection of pictures of her looking beautiful (and daft) on her birthdays over the years.

Happy birthday, Dessie. Thank you for all the incredible gifts you left behind. I’ll speak for our son, our families, our friends and myself when I say we all love and miss you so much xxx

27, Holborn with her best mates Marianne and Caroline.

27, Holborn with her best mates Marianne and Caroline.

30, Beach Blanket Babylon with her brother Anthony.

30, Beach Blanket Babylon with her brother Anthony.

30, in our flat with a gift to match the pig snout mug she bought be for Valentine's Day.

30, in our flat with a gift to match the pig snout mug she bought be for Valentine’s Day.

33, Shoreditch House birthday cheesecake.

30, Shoreditch House birthday cheesecake.

30, Shoreditch House with her mum, Bev.

30, Shoreditch House with her mum, Bev.

30, Shoreditch House.

30, Shoreditch House.

30, Miller's Residence.

30, Miller’s Residence.

33, birthday brownies at work.

33, birthday brownies at work.

33, a birthday nap at Shoreditch House.

33, a birthday nap at Shoreditch House. Standard.

33, Century, her last ever birthday photo and still making me smile.

33, Century, her last ever birthday photo. Still making me smile.

18 comments on “birthday girl

  1. Ruth Martin
    October 4, 2013

    I’m so sorry… xxx

  2. Dee Cane
    October 4, 2013

    Sometimes there are just no words xxx

  3. Caroline
    October 4, 2013

    Happy birthday Desreen xxxx

  4. Sarah
    October 4, 2013

    She’s so beautiful. X

  5. Actually Mummy
    October 4, 2013

    It’s lovely to see some more photos of her – she’s lovely

  6. Biddy
    October 4, 2013

    Happy Birthday beautiful beautiful Desreen xxx

  7. esther edwards
    October 4, 2013

    happy birthday des, we were at school 2gether & can always remember her getting excited abt her b.day. such a sad loss 2 a beautiful & talented woman. xx

  8. lisagorman3105
    October 4, 2013

    we are all thinking of you Ben and Jackson. nothing else I can possibly say except Happy Birthday Des you mentalist. x

  9. lisagorman3105
    October 4, 2013

    we are all thinking of you Ben and Jackson. nothing more I can say except Happy Birthday Des you mentalist x

  10. Naomii Chaplain
    October 4, 2013

    I love her.

  11. sharron
    October 4, 2013

    Yeah… Happy Birthday Desreen xxx

  12. Amy Bannerman
    October 5, 2013

    Beautiful Des. Thinking of you and sending much love Ben X

  13. Viv
    October 7, 2013

    She is very beautiful. My partners bday 3 Oct and amazingly my great niece was born that day two weeks early. Feel its a sign that I can let go a little bit but never forget. x

  14. karl fardoe
    October 9, 2013

    You have your photos and your memories. I know it doesn’t replace both your loss but it is a thing to hold tight to. regards always karl

  15. koolkreationsblog
    October 9, 2013

    Ben, you and Jackson both have your photos and memories. Although not a replacement for your loss but it is something to hold tight to. Regards Karl

  16. Andy
    October 13, 2013

    Thinking of you both Ben. Bit taken a back tonight after logging in for the 1st time in a while as given the parallels of our predicaments already it shocked me a bit to discover that Desreen and Claire are birthday twins. Claire would have been 38 on the 4th October this year.

  17. rosiett
    October 17, 2013

    I believe our special ones live on forever in our memories. By sharing your thoughts and photographs of Desreen, she is also alive and relevant for those of us who are only now coming to know her. There WILL be a time when you can think of her and smile without your heart squeezing shut, until that time I wish you strength and an easing of the hurt. Rosie

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