Life as a Widower

A young widowed father opening up about living with loss

condensing grief

This one is short and anything but sweet.

One of the most difficult aspects of the grieving process is perhaps the most obvious. It’s trying to come to terms with the fact that you will never ever see, touch, smell or hear the person you’ve lost again.

If another breed of human being that didn’t come fitted with grief emotions existed and could see us spending as long as we do trying to get our heads round that, they would probably consider us irrational – it’s just seems too straightforward.

But how can we quickly accept that truth after loss when it causes so much pain, numbness, shock and confusion?

This is a lesson I learned not from the death of my wife (I don’t claim to know anything about how I feel about that yet), but from the death of a friend ten years ago.

When it comes to Desreen I find myself having to say, “never ever again”, in my head just to try and suppress the futile hope.

4 comments on “condensing grief

  1. Claire
    January 11, 2013

    So comforting to read & to help me understand just how my late friends husband and 2 little boys are feeling. She too was taken from the world so cruelly & suddenly just 5 weeks ago. After reading your posts (which are by far the best things I’ve read in a very long time) you’ve inspired me to celebrate her life, so, I’ve started to created a scrap book, I’ve asked all our work colleagues to write down a memory associated with her, or just a simple word that describes her or a picture. Over the next few months I’ll create the scrap book & I’ll give it to her husband & her boys so they get to see just how precious she was to her friends at work & how much she joy she brought to our lives.

    Keep up the amazing posts, they’re so inspiring & utterly beautiful x

    • lifeasawidower
      January 13, 2013

      I’m sure her husband will be very moved by this and that their kids will come to cherish it. Winston’s Wish gave me a great tip. They suggested I have a child friendly printed book produced by Photo Box containing language appropriate for kids. This way Jackson can take it to school when he starts and tell the teachers more about his mummy. That way they will understand and he can express how proud he was of her. It helps keep the memories alive for him too x

  2. bedraggledandkicking
    January 13, 2013

    I understand. I am so sorry for your tragic loss.

  3. Charlie
    January 20, 2013

    I’ve been reading all your posts since I saw my brother like this on Facebok. I then get a text from my sister with the link telling me I should read it and that I would like it. I wonder why she is being specific to me and then I see the older posts. We lost our mum when we were kids and I was 7 (my other 3 siblings were in their teens) And we recently lossed our father and with that, I will never know now he truly felt when mum died. But I know I have spent the last 23 years of my life wishing he could have been as open to me about her death and you are with Jackson. Please do keep talking to him about it when he seems confused or sad, because you are not set up to process that loss at that age, but only later when you start to wonder why your mum ‘left’ you, do you need openness and honesty from you only living parent.
    My dad couldn’t have done more. But I saw everyday how broken he was and I just wished he had opened up.
    Keep doing what you are doing and Jackson will be able to express and understand his grief as he gets older.

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